


still feel me (like I'm right there at your side)

by shayzgirl



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-07
Updated: 2012-11-07
Packaged: 2017-11-18 04:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayzgirl/pseuds/shayzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While filming in Texas, Michael finds that the one person he's been trying not to think about is the one person he can't stop thinking about, no matter what he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	still feel me (like I'm right there at your side)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song 'Thinking of You' by Christian Kane

Michael would have preferred to have his motorcycle on expanse of Texas highway but it hadn't been practical to bring it with him to the states, so he made do with a rental car instead. It was one of his rare days off while filming this particular movie. He'd wanted to get away from everyone else for a while and he missed the open road, even if traveling by car wasn't as great. Still it was a nice enough day that he could roll down the windows and still feel the breeze. It was a nice, sunny day and Michael was enjoying the fact that he wasn't stuck on a film set.

He'd been driving for a little over an hour; the car's GPS was programmed to direct him back to his hotel when he was ready. He was still enjoying the open road and being away from the city and people.

He couldn't wait to be done filming so he could return home, pick up his motorcycle which he'd left with his parents so his father could keep it in working order while he was gone instead of it staying locked in storage. Then he'd be able to ride it again through Ireland and after a ferry ride, through England and back home to London. He was starting to think he'd take a trip for a month or so just with it and the open road before he went on to film the next thing. He could take the time to do that. Needed to really.

As though disapproving of his plans, the sky seemed to open up and it began to rain, a heavy downpour even with the sun still shining. It caught Michael off guard, so he pulled over before figuring out how to turn on the windshield wipers and rolling up the windows. He waited to see if the rain would stop but after several minutes it seemed to just pour down more. Deciding he didn't want to go too far out in the raining, he set the GPS to head back to his hotel. Once he was back on the road and following the commanding voice of the GPS, he began to think about the last time he'd been caught out in the rain on a sunny day.

He'd been with James and they'd just finished filming the scene where Charles helps Erik move a satellite. They'd been heading back to the costume department's trailer to change into their next set of costumes for the next scenes they were filming that day when it began to rain. James had stopped walking and began to laugh. Michael had stopped to watch him, enjoying the sound of James' laughter.

"Think this means we're done early today?" he'd asked, smiling at Michael with hair sticking to his forehead and droplets of rain on his eyelashes.

"I'm sure Matthew will think of something else for us to film," Michael'd replied.

"Well, maybe we shouldn't be too quick to get back to wardrobe."

James had laughed again before turning to run around in the rain.

"Come on!" he'd called, motioning for Michael to join him.

Michael had wanted to say no, that they'd get in trouble for ruining the costumes, but all that exuberant laughter had been oh-so-tempting, so Michael had run after him. After both of them were soaking wet, standing together in the rain and the sunshine, James had pulled Michael close and Michael had gone willingly.

"Can I take you to dinner? Tonight. On a date," James'd said, looking up at Michael hopeful.

Michael'd said yes because it was what he wanted, James was who he wanted and he'd never imagined that James would want him, too. James had smiled at him, the brightest smile Michael had ever seen and Michael had kissed him right there in the rain. That was their first kiss and it'd been perfect, even when it'd been interrupted by Matthew and some of the crew yelling at them about the costumes.

The rain continued and eventually darkening the sky as Michael made it back to his hotel. Instead of going to his room, he went straight to the hotel bar and ordered the strongest drink they had, downing it quickly. He knew he'd never forget that memory but he could at least blur it for the evening, so he could sleep and pretend he hadn't remembered it the next day.

He woke up the next day with an impressive hangover, but he was able to go a few days without thinking of blue eyes.

It was almost a week later, after they'd been filming one particular scene that Michael, being ever the professional actor, made it through without any outward difficult, finally made it back to his hotel room after another night of drinking at the hotel bar. He was ready to collapse into bed and forget the day, but the world it seemed didn't want him to be so fortunate. He sat down on his bed, but he'd forgotten that the curtains were open from that morning and the moon was shining bright in the night sky surrounded by stars. It looked hopefully up there, smiling down at the world below, yet it made Michael feel sad. There'd been another moon in another hotel room.

At some point it'd become their hotel room and their bed, Michael there every night. One night, James had looked at him from where he was curled up against Michael, strong arms holding him. The moon had peeked in through the curtains making blue eyes look brighter as James had smiled at him.

"I love you," James had said.

James' expression was of hopeful sureness and Michael knew the words to be true.

"I love you, too," he'd replied, leaning down to kiss smiling lips in the approving moonlight.

As Michael cried, sitting on his too big bed in his too empty hotel room, the moon seemed to understand, hiding behind some clouds.

He slept little that night, memories of blue eyes and moonlight haunting his dreams.

They finished filming that certain scene from the day before and then moved onto the next set for the next scene which was in another town an hour's drive away. Despite his exhaustion from the lack of sleep, Michael still drove himself. He let the local radio stations play, trying to fill up the silence with any noise to keep his thoughts from wondering. Several of the stations played country music, which Michael wasn't opposed to but a couple of them seemed to be on a theme of sad songs causing Michael to change the station quickly.

He eventually reached his destination and found the next set location, where he was ushered into wardrobe and make-up. They finished early that day and Michael went straight to his hotel and went to bed.

They filmed there for three days and at the end of the third day, Michael went to the bar that was down the street from the hotel. He drank more than he probably should have, especially when he began singing and gladly took pictures with fans.

Just as he was thinking of heading back to his hotel, a pretty girl with jet black hair and dark skin sat next to him and offered to buy him a drink. She was young, old enough to drink obviously, but younger than Michael. She was clearly flirting with him and he figured one more drink couldn't hurt.

Halfway through the drink he invited her back to his hotel room. He figured the distraction would be good. They finished their drinks and started to head to Michael's hotel. They were almost there when Michael started feeling slightly sick compared to several moments before. He stopped walking to lean against the nearest building.

"Hey, you okay?" the girl asked.

"I think I drank too much," Michael replied, the words escaping before registering in his brain.

"Oh. Are you... Do you want to be alone?"

"Yeah. It's probably best. Sorry, Jackie."

"It's Julie."

"Sorry."

Michael barely glanced at her, as she glared at him briefly before turning and headed back to the bar. Once he was alone again, Michael took several deep breathes before composing himself enough to reach his hotel room. He climbed onto his bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes and soon fell asleep.

Two more weeks of filming went by and finally they were done with the film. Michael caught the first flight back to Ireland. He called his parents from the airport and his father picked him up. The first night there, he had a couple of drinks with his parents and told them what he could about the film. The second night he and his father looked over his bike and made plans to go for a ride the next day. And they did. They stopped for a bit, Michael looking over his bike.

"How are you doing?" Josef asked.

Michael shrugged.

"Will you be going back to London?"

"At some point."

Josef nodded, watching his son as Michael continued to busy himself with his bike.

"Do you miss him?"

Michael looked up at his father and nodded.

"Go back to London and see him. He probably misses you, too."

"What if he doesn't want to see me after the way I left?"

"You won't know unless you try."

"Okay."

"Let's get home before your mother worries."

Michael chuckled, knowing his mother wouldn't worry unless they disappeared for more than a day, but grateful for his father's attempt to cheer him up. They climbed back onto their bikes and rode back home.

The next day he packed his bag, said goodbye to his parents, and started on his way back to London. While on the ferry, he tried to think of what he'd say to James but nothing he thought of sounded good enough. No apology would make up for how he'd left and how long he'd been gone.

Once the ferry reached port, he went to his bike and once off the ferry, began the trip to London.

Finally, Michael pulled up out in front of the flat. It surprised him how it didn't look any different, like no time had passed since he'd last been there. Briefly, he wondered if James was even still living there until he spotted James' car parked out front. He parked his bike and made his way up the stairs. Standing there at the door that had once belonged to him, he took a couple deep breathes and then finally knocked.

It wasn't until the door opened that he realised he'd been holding his breathe. Blue eyes and dishevelled brown hair were waiting on the other side.

"Michael," James said, as though he couldn't quite believe it.

"Hi," Michael replied.

"Hi."

"Do you want to come in?"

"Um... yeah."

James nodded and let Michael in. Nothing was different inside either, which surprised Michael even more.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Okay," James replied, "And you?"

"Not remotely okay. I've missed you."

"You did?"

Michael nodded.

"I tried not to. I didn't think I deserved to with how I left, but I couldn't stop thinking about you and wishing you were there."

"You deserved to. I knew you were leaving and I didn't stop you, but I should have or at least tried to."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

"Can I hold you?"

James nodded. Michael walked over and pulled James into his arms. James put his arms around Michael and held him, too.

"I thought about you every day, wishing and hoping you'd come back," James said.

"Well, here I am."

"Here you are."

James seemed to hold on to Michael tighter and Michael didn't mind, holding on to James just as tightly.

"I kept all of your stuff. It's still here. I didn’t even move any of it. I just moved myself into the spare room. It was easier," James said after several minutes.

"Oh James," Michael replied, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"I was afraid if I moved it or put it in storage it meant that I was giving up. Keira even offered to do it for me but I couldn't let her."

"I shouldn't have left like I did. I shouldn't have left at all. Please forgive me."

"Oh Michael, I already did. I wouldn't have let you in if I hadn't."

Michael pulled back to look at James, who was smiling and crying and Michael felt the same way.

"I love you so much," he said.

"I love you, too."

"I feel like I should ask: can I move back in?"

"Of course. Please."

"And you'll move back into our bedroom with me?"

"Yes."

They both smiled at each other and laughed through their tears of happiness. Michael held James again, having missed being able to, having not realised how badly he'd been wanting, every time he'd remembered a different moment with James or when he'd slept miserable because of the James shaped hole in his bed and his heart. Sunlight peeked its way into the room, brightening the room around them as though celebrating with them.

"I love you so fucking much and I can't believe how big an idiot I was to walk. And I feel so lucky that you'd even want me back."

"I was the idiot for letting you. I won't let that happen again."

"You won't have to."

Michael looked at James again, needing him to see that he meant every word. He wouldn't ever leave again. Couldn't ever leave James again. He knew better now and wouldn't ever make that mistake again.

"Can I kiss you now?" James asked.

"Yes."

James kissed him like he still couldn't quite believe Michael was really there so Michael kissed him back with all the reassurance that he was and that wasn't going anywhere that neither of them were.

"I love you," James whispered against Michael's lips.

"I love you, too," Michael whispered back.

James kissed him again, final reassurance.

"What do we do now?" he asked, still smiling as he looked at Michael.

"I don't know. Dinner?" Michael asked.

"I'd like that."

"Okay."

James held his hand and grabbed Michael's bag, leading him back to their bedroom so both of them could change. They ended up ordering in dinner instead, not wanting to leave, especially since leaving would involve putting on clothes again. They ate dinner in bed, excited and happy.

The next day Michael let himself be yelled at by several of their friends, especially Keira and Benedict, who told him he'd been damn lucky James had asked him not to do anything when they'd been filming together, which Michael thanked James for. Joy yelled at him the most, threatening bodily harm if he ever dared to do it again, which Michael promised wouldn't happen. James thanked her for being such a good sister and promised he wouldn't let Michael get away ever again.

“Do you want to yell at me, too?” Michael asked when they were done with the phone calls from caring friends and family.

“No. I might make you watch _Star Trek_ though,” James replied.

“Okay.”

James smiled at him before popping in one of his many _Star Trek_ DVDs and then they curled up on the couch together, Michael with his arms around James because it was right where he belonged. 


End file.
